dylan smeder

Attachment Coach

Do you want
a better relationship?

Are you stuck in a cycle of bad relationship patterns? You can break the cycle.

Does this sound like you?

My programs are designed to help you:

There are three programs to choose from: Foundations (12 weeks), Secure for Life (27 weeks), and an advanced program. The Foundations program provides you with a solid understanding of the fundamentals of attachment work through the lens of your most immediate pain points. The Secure for Life program builds on the Foundations program (the first 12 weeks are exactly the same for both programs), and helps you consolidate your learning and put it into practice so that you no longer fall back into old patterns. All programs include text support.

If you are interested in learning more about the advanced program, book a free compatibility session and let's discuss details.

Which program is best for me?

The 12 week program is for you if you’re looking for the tools needed to be secure. You have done a lot of self work and are committed to using what you learn and working on it until you are secure. This program is less of a commitment, but requires more personal responsibility. You’ll get all the tools you need to do the work, but you’re the one responsible for taking it to the next level.

The 27 week program is for you if you don’t just want the tools, but also want to be guided through the step-by-step process to integrate them into your life. You are ready to commit, and you know that there are no shortcuts to taking the time to consciously change your patterns and retrain your subconscious.

Dylan Smeder has been an amazing coach!

I’ve tried MANY coaches over the years to deal with my attachment stuff… and Dylan gets it just right.

As an AP (anxious-preoccupied) he has given me tons of insight on how to heal my anxious tendencies as well as how to interact and understand my DA  (dismissive-avoidant) husband. Your healing will thank you for having Dylan as a coach! 

- Sarah Quazi

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Sample First Session

About Dylan

Hi, I’m Dylan Smeder, and I’ve been on the journey that I coach my clients through. There was a point in time where I had the fancy job, the daily meditation practice, I was journaling every day. I had gone through couples therapy with an ex. I learned about my defensiveness, learned to communicate about my emotions, set expectations, express needs and desires. 

I met this amazing woman and we were fantastic together, AMAZING, until we weren’t. We would hang out and we would need some time to reconnect. It was long distance and we only saw each other once every few weeks. Looking back on it now, I see that our long term goals didn’t really match - and I avoided that truth and she would feel anxious. Instead of going our separate ways, we would talk on the phone for hours until she was on the avoidant side and I was anxious, but I kept it in until the next time we met. It was not a fun cycle. 

That was when I started taking attachment theory seriously. I had gone into the relationship with so much effort to be conscious and it still fell apart. Now, instead of looking at my past as single instances I saw that there was a morphing pattern that was somewhat predictable. 

Understanding this pattern along with journaling and meditation, I was able to be a lot more conscious of my thoughts and feelings in the moment as well as have more power to express them. Attachment theory connected a lot of dots, but attachment can be really confusing, making this process challenging to say the least. I had a lot of ups and downs in my journey. Let me help you not make the mistakes I made (or help you recover from them quickly after you make them) so you can connect the dots for yourself too.


My relationship broke apart. I tried psychotherapy, but it did not help me at all. Also we did couple therapy and this too did not work. My partner has an avoidant attachment style and I am fearful preoccupied. So we all know what that means. I read books about it and it helped me to understand, but in real life it did not help much. Once we had a conflict, all get really out of control. 

I started the coaching with Dylan Smeder. At this time I was thinking about moving out of our house. We both were so frustrated and had not energy to work on the relationship. There was not much hope.But after some ups and downs I started to change my attitude.The coaching with Dylan helped me to switch, helped my to see a completely different perspective.

I think I am now less anxious, I can give him more space without having a problem with this. I do not take things so personally any more. It's not like playing a role (that never works for long time), it's what I feel and the coaching really helped me to get there. So sometimes it's necessary to get help and work on the relationship.
Thanks Dylan!

- Berta Hummel

"Dylan has been very helpful for me.

He has a very patient and gentle style of listening and seems to always provide insight and guidance that is transformational for me as I continue on my own healing journey.

It is definitely worth the time and money as an investment in yourself, at least it has been for me."

- Lee Israch Wright

Dylan is an amazing coach! He helped me at probably one of my most vulnerable points.

He’s a good coach because he didn’t just study. He’s been through his own personal development journey in attachment and that’s what makes him such a good coach! He allowed me to rewire my brain to identify what was healthy and not.

He allowed me to understand how to co parent with my ex, childs father who is strongly avoidant, he helped me identify and understand my attachment more, he has been the most patient person and also understanding, honestly couldn’t recommend him enough, it’s a percentage of me doing the work but the remainder having a good coach to break through in a secure place!

- MI Adie

Oh yes! Dylan has helped me substantially, and has been exceptionally generous and giving of his time, knowledge and wisdom.

I have gained insights from him that I would have had to have learned the hard way, and he has walked with me through some really tough and challenging anxious/avoidant dance dynamics, and in a way that has been totally nonjudgmental.

So, I would recommend him! ☺️

- Lauren Elise

More Testimonials

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Sample First Session

dylan smeder

Life & Relationship Coach

© 2020 Fire & Spice, Dylan Smeder