dylan smeder

Attachment Coach

About Me

Hi, I’m Dylan Smeder, and I’ve been on the journey that I coach my clients through. There was a point in time where I had the fancy job, the daily meditation practice, I was journaling every day. I had gone through couples therapy with an ex. I learned about my defensiveness, learned to communicate about my emotions, set expectations, express needs and desires. 

I met this amazing woman and we were fantastic together, AMAZING, until we weren’t. We would hang out and we would need some time to reconnect. It was long distance and we only saw each other once every few weeks. Looking back on it now, I see that our long term goals didn’t really match - and I avoided that truth and she would feel anxious. Instead of going our separate ways, we would talk on the phone for hours until she was on the avoidant side and I was anxious, but I kept it in until the next time we met. It was not a fun cycle. 

That was when I started taking attachment theory seriously. I had gone into the relationship with so much effort to be conscious and it still fell apart. Now, instead of looking at my past as single instances I saw that there was a morphing pattern that was somewhat predictable. 

Understanding this pattern along with journaling and meditation, I was able to be a lot more conscious of my thoughts and feelings in the moment as well as have more power to express them. Attachment theory connected a lot of dots, but attachment can be really confusing, making this process challenging to say the least. I had a lot of ups and downs in my journey. Let me help you not make the mistakes I made (or help you recover from them quickly after you make them) so you can connect the dots for yourself too.

“Even over the phone, his listening skills and compassion were powerful and I always felt much calmer by the end of our sessions. During more serene times, Dylan helped me talk through my goals and priorities so that I could organize my life around what was most important to me.”

—Nancy Olivier, Therapist

Telescope Peak, California

Send Me a Message

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Telescope Peak, California

Send me a message.
What questions do you have?

Whether this your first time working with a coach or if you have extensive experience it can feel scary to book a call. Let me know what questions you have.

My number one goal is to provide a place for you to feel safe to ask questions and be heard. I want to help you on your journey even if that means coaching from me is not the right path for you.

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Your first session is free, with no obligation.

The first session is meant for us to get to know each other better and for you to get a feeling for my style and see if we are compatible.

We work together to explore to find your blocks. Depending on your needs we can start off very practical or start with emotional blockages.

Sample First Session

  • Start off with 5 minutes about the process.
  • 35 minutes on anything you want to work on.
  • The last 10 minutes we will use to come up with a plan that we can work on together or you can take what we’ve done and work on it on your own as well as ask any questions you may have.



I am looking for commitment for those who choose coaching. It doesn't have to be three months or six.

I'm not looking for a set of time but a commitment to really work on the self improvement because with that commitment comes the ability to create solid lasting change.

How long does it take?

We are all different and I have seen some clients 10 times and had huge changes. I would say however the majority of my clients see a lot of progress around 3 months (12 sessions) and choose to keep going.

  • 1-3 months we focus on the surface dipping into deeper alignment.
  • 3-6 month the we go deeper.
  • 7-11 months we work on integration

Are you ready for change?

dylan smeder

Life & Relationship Coach

© 2020 Fire & Spice, Dylan Smeder